Ben: 0:04

All right, here we are. It's Ben and Lindsay.

Lindsay: 0:09

the Noise Wellness Simplified Another week and I'm kind of in my like what's going to happen? Mode because Ben said he wanted to share something with me and I said let's turn on the mic so we can share it with you. So I don't know what's going on. I'm with you but I think it's something pretty exciting, so let's hear it.

Ben: 0:28

It's interesting. It's amazing how you're saying that the pressure is on you, but now the pressure is on you for this story to be relevant. It's going to be great.

Lindsay: 0:37

I mean again anybody who knows Ben I know him very well that even to bring this up, he started out saying that he found this story and he loved it and he wanted to share it. So I will preface that, because he doesn't share shit for no reason. So let's go oh that was very kind of you.

Ben: 0:54

Thank you for that.

Lindsay: 0:54

You're welcome, all right.

Ben: 0:55

So it's basically a story on the weakness of complaining. So, basically, I recently came across a story I'm not sure exactly, it was an article in a newsletter that I receive regularly and it's this particular story. So let me tell you the story. So a group of villagers had been coming to the local wise man every week, many complaining about the same problems each time. One day he told them a joke and everyone roared in laughter. After a couple of minutes he told them the same joke and only a few of them smiled. When he told the same joke the third time. No one laughed. The wise man smiled and said you can't laugh at the same joke over and over, so why are you always complaining about the same problem?

Ben: 1:45

goosebumps so basically, the lesson is simply don't complain about anything, right, it's one of those things it's. You know what I took away from this? If, if, if it's within your control, go do something about it, right. If it's not, complaining is just a waste of energy, and when you, you're giving too much power to the thing, so you've got to take that power back. So for me, I just it just resonated so strongly, that simple story.

Lindsay: 2:13

Yeah, and you know it's so interesting because this is something that we've spoken to our girls about a lot. Right, you don't always have to have the answers, you don't always have to know what to do, but complaining about something that's outside of your control is really in a place where you just can't do anything about it. So when I work with clients who are very overwhelmed right, so they come to me they're very overwhelmed what we do is we create a list of every single thing that they're thinking about right now, and then we take a black marker and we cross out every single thing on that list that's not in their control, because if it's not in their control, they can't do anything about it. You can't give it any energy.

Lindsay: 2:50

Any energy. And then all of a sudden, this list that now had, you know, 100 things on it only has 10, and those 10 things are in your control. So now we're able to kind of figure out how to do them, what to do them, what to do it. But if you're looking at things that aren't in your control and let's talk a little bit about what that means, because I often sometimes feel like people don't understand the concept of control and in control, out of control.

Ben: 3:10

Can I just add something to that? Yeah, of course there's a body of research. There's a lot of research that's saying with with therapy as an example, or counseling, that if you continue to talk about the problem, you breathe life into that problem. So, in other words, if you are constantly going to a therapist or a counselor or a psychologist and talking about a specific problem, then you're giving life to it, You're giving energy to it. You're basically expanding it and growing it. There's a new kind of approach that's starting to develop, and this isn't like a silver bullet for everything. This is just some particular issues that maybe you're seeking support and guidance from a therapist, but the idea is you need to go towards a solution orientation versus just living and breathing that particular problem. In other words, what are you gonna do about it? And that really comes to what we're talking about here is like okay, I accept that you have this challenge. That's not of your making. What are you going to do about it? Right?

Lindsay: 4:12

right, and it kind of comes back to what I said about we might not always have the solution, we might not know the solution, and of course that's where coaching and support and everything comes into. But you know, we have people who often come to us and say, you know, I'm so busy I can't find time to work out, I can't find time to meal prep, I can't find time to journal or whatever it may be, and then they go on to explain all the reasons why they can't. And one of the first things I think Ben and I both look at is, you know, when you create all the can'ts. We are very creative, very creative on all the can'ts. But if we took even a little bit of that creativity and put it into the can file, how can we fix this? How can we look at this? How can we support this? We would be in a very different place.

Ben: 4:57

You know, what I would say is I would go to farce.

Ben: 4:58

That says this and it's kind of a horrid oversimplification, but it actually is accurate, as far as I am aware, with my experience with working with clients over the last God 15 plus years. And that is when you're first starting to work with someone that isn't prioritizing their health or historically hasn't prioritized their health, and they're struggling to maybe move their body consistently and they're struggling to eat consistently and do all of the things consistently that they understand that are part of their journey. What you tend to find is that they're more inclined to have reasons and excuses for not being able to do things, so they're very inclined to be like, well, I couldn't do this because of that. And it's this process of self-justification, I'm justifying my inaction by basically leaning on all of the excuses that I've been leaning on that have kind of got me to this point. And it's one of those ideas whereby, well, if you keep thinking the way you've been thinking, then you're going to continue to get the same outcome that you've got, which is not exercising consistently, not eating healthy foods consistently, not doing the things consistently, because your old thinking is creating your reality.

Ben: 6:15

What I see with clients that have gone on to build fit and healthy lives and lose lots of weight and just do the things that they wanted to do with regards to their health, is there's this switch where they're starting to call themselves out on the bullshit of their old way of thinking and you start to hear that less we're not perfect, you way of thinking, and you start to hear that less we're not perfect. You hear it, but you start to hear it less where it's like, well, this happened and this happened, so I just did it anyway.

Lindsay: 6:40

right, or I didn't want to, but I did it anyway right, or it wasn't perfect, but I did this instead, or I tried to do that right. You know, and I mean, a good example of this is, uh, the other day I had an issue with my internet. We live in Mexico, it doesn't happen very often, but you know, everybody has some and I was working with my client and we were doing a circuit and she knew what the circuit was and anyways, my internet failed, right, and I send her a message. I'm like I'm really sorry, like you know, keep doing what we've been doing. And she easily could have come back to me and said I can't, I don't know, I'm not sure, whatever. Did she do it perfectly? No, she knows that. Did she probably push herself a little less? Yes, but she managed to do it.

Lindsay: 7:20

And when it comes to the things that you can control moving your body, in this case versus the things she couldn't control my internet issues she managed to do her workout and finish the last 15 minutes right. So when we talk about things we can control versus things that we can't control, it really is and this is the honest truth, and I say this over and over again the things you say, the things you do, the things you think, the things you eat and put in your mouth, and that is very limited. When you think of, like, even an iceberg, right, you have a tip of an iceberg and then all this stuff at the bottom of the iceberg. Those are the things you can't control. The small stuff at the top you can, and it makes massive impact if you focus on what you can control, right.

Ben: 8:01

And stop complaining, and it's kind of confronting when you think about it. What do you get out of complaining? Okay, I get it Temporarily in in the short term you're going to get a bit of a relief. Oh my god like this happened.

Lindsay: 8:17

The traffic was terrible and the weather is horrible, or whatever long term, you're not getting anything from it. You're just feeding the negativity and it doesn't help and I mean anybody who's made a big complaint about lots of things or little things or whatever it really doesn't help.

Ben: 8:33

it doesn help it kind of gets you in more of a state.

Lindsay: 8:35

You kind of dig yourself even worse, right.

Ben: 8:38

And it kind of like Lindsay saying it's like this idea of like I mean, this subject's broader than stop complaining, because that's kind of a bit of a simplification. But the idea is control the shit you can control, Let the rest go. And, believe me, there is so much stuff that you can control that will change your life unrecognizably. So you know, funny, I went to the grocery store this morning and I bumped into a guy that I've ran with a couple of times and I see this guy all the time and I see this guy all the time and he always has an excuse for me why he's not being able to go running or why he's not being able to prioritize running. And he always feels the need to tell me. I don't know if I make him feel guilty or what it is, but he basically spends his time justifying.

Ben: 9:27

And I saw him today and he was running and I parked up and I was like whoa, you're running. And he's like yeah, you know. And I was like good for you. And he stopped and talked to me and you know, he said to me oh, we've got to go running. And I kind of take that with a pinch of salt, if I'm being honest with you because I've heard it so many times that you know it's unlikely to happen. So I've kind of let that go. But basically I said to him this what we're talking about now, I'd say like in the work that I do, the biggest thing that I see is people making excuses for why they don't do things or justifying why they don't think, or give reasons why they don't do the things they know they need to do. And and I said to him often people are like I'm just too busy because of this, that and the other other, and it's basically BS.

Ben: 10:15

They're just not prioritizing and taking the time and making it work, not just finding it but actually doing it. And I'm like that's the common trend, the common trend. And I actually don't know exactly what he does, but he works one on one with clients in some space and he's like I have that conversation often as well and I thought to myself that's interesting. And then face and he's like.

Lindsay: 10:38

I have that conversation often as well, and I thought to myself that's interesting.

Ben: 10:40

And then he turned around to me I kid you not within seconds and was like yeah, I'm just so busy at the moment I work till 10 o'clock and last night I worked till six and then I had dinner and I had to look after the kids and I and I kind of must have looked like a rabbit in the headlights. I literally my little smoke was coming out of my ears because he does this work or whatever work it is. That's similar. He agreed with what I'd said, because his clients suffer from the same thing and, without taking a breath, he just did it to me there and then and it was just one of those moments where I'm like it just shows you how we can become entrenched in our thinking yeah that's like second nature.

Ben: 11:12

That's his identity.

Lindsay: 11:13

It is. And this is that's a really interesting one because I think you know, oftentimes you will hear people say the kids, the job, you know, the sleep, the whatever, and and I mean I remember I at one point, when I was still in Canada, I created a list of like 105 excuses that I'd heard from my clients.

Lindsay: 11:35

And I 105 excuses that I'd heard from my clients and you still have that. I have it in electronic version, but I mean and and some of them are legit excuses can be legitimate. Right, I'm sick, that's an excuse, but it's also legitimate excuse or is it a reason justification?

Lindsay: 11:44

but so I look, I feel like they're different. I looked at the 105 as like excuses legitimate or not and I think the hard thing that we have to remember and again, when we're taking extreme ownership, this is going to hurt some people and it's going to feel icky and you might be like Lindsay, shut up is that there are always people busier, with more kids, with a bigger job, with more craziness, doing the things that you can't quote, unquote, do, and oftentimes you know it's's funny. I remember my sister having this conversation being like well, you guys work from home, so it's easy for you to eat healthy, and I'm like that's such bullshit. Or you guys live in mexico, so of course you can run all year around. I'm like bullshit and it's like I need to walk around with my little bullshit button and be like me me or maybe we should just go, you're right yeah, exactly, you're right.

Lindsay: 12:34

That would probably be better. It would make them feel better.

Ben: 12:36

You are right, absolutely well, it's so funny and and I'm kind of gonna out myself a little bit here and and I'm kind of like while lindsey was speaking and I was thinking, should I share this, should I not? Should I share this? We come up with a lot of excuses and I often chuckle like I.

Ben: 12:50

I know how teachers must feel when the homework got eaten by the dog because we get all of these excuses and I feel like, honestly, people feel like they're giving us the excuse like we've never heard it before right like it's so. It's like I they've sat there and they're like this is my reason. They'll send it to us and it's like he's never heard that right, it's so interesting, right.

Lindsay: 13:08

We always joke like when we're sitting around talking with the girls and they're friends and we're having these conversations and you know they'll say something. And I'm like, you know your parents, and us as well, have heard all the things. Ben's mom is here, I guarantee you, if we asked her, I'm like she's heard it all. My mom's heard it all. We as parents have heard it all. There's nothing new in the excuse world of oh, you know, I was sleeping over at a friend's house. Meanwhile I was at the bonfire, you know, drinking in the corner, like like we've heard it all. And so when people send excuses or reasons quote unquote reasons first of all I always say you know, ben, and I always say it's like okay, it's not, it's not for us. You don't need to be sorry to me that you can't show up today.

Ben: 13:48

I always chuckle when people apologize, I'm so sorry.

Lindsay: 13:50

I'm like you don't need to be sorry to me because it's not about me, it's about you and so all the things, all the reasons we hear, all the excuses we hear.

Lindsay: 13:58

We've heard them before, and sometimes they can be a little bit more creative. And sometimes they can be. And true, right, maybe your car did break down and you weren't able to catch the bus and then you got home. It's okay, right, but it's also what does that mean? And did you complain about it? And what does that look like? And all of those things.

Ben: 14:19

Well, the thing I was going to share with you is I had a client that turned around and said to me sorry, I couldn't make it. This morning. There was a power outage, we had storms overnight and I don't know why. I just was like yeah, I don't buy that this morning. Yeah, I don't buy that this morning. I actually really don't buy that this morning. So I pulled up where they lived.

Ben: 14:38

Oh, no, and I looked at the last 12 hours of weather in that particular location and, lo and behold, no storms. Now I'm not saying the internet weather system is perfect and there may be like isolated pockets, but again, it was just one of those moments where I was just like, honestly, out yourself, yeah, just can't be asked today and I'm not going to come, and I would basically work with that because I can work with that. Right, you can work with that because that's what we're trying to overcome. Right, we're trying to get better at showing up for ourselves. And it's the same when we have clients that share their food with us and they share all of the good food that they eat, but they hide and don't share the food that they deem to not be the food that they want to share with us. They're kind of eating in secret eating.

Ben: 15:23

It's like I always say sure is that stuff as well because, that's the. That's the work there. The work isn't. Hey, I can eat really healthy for a half of the day. The work is. At the end of the day, I just fall off the wagon so hard that I eat all of the things. Just keep doing what?

Lindsay: 15:41

you're doing in the beginning of the day, cause what I'm going to help work with is the stuff.

Ben: 15:43

At the end of the day. That's where your progress comes.

Lindsay: 15:44

And you know, it comes right back to that idea of extreme ownership, right when we take full responsibility for ourselves. And it's funny. I was talking to somebody the other day and I always say it comes from love. Remember that, because Ben and I it always comes from we actually probably care too much sometimes, but it always comes from a place of love. But that is bullshit, and and and we I say this all the time I'm going to tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. And the difference between that is, if you're looking for somebody to sugarcoat, if you're looking for somebody to be like, oh, it's okay, don't worry, you're looking for somebody to sugarcoat. If you're looking for somebody to be like, oh, it's okay, don't worry, you're already that person for yourself. You give yourself permission, you're the good angel on the shoulder saying don't worry, it's okay, you can do it. If Ben and I were that person for you as well, we wouldn't be doing our job as a coach.

Lindsay: 16:30

We're going to make you feel uncomfortable, but in a kind way and way and we're going to push you to get out of your own way, get out of your own comfort zone, because that's where the magic happens, that's where the progress is going to come from right and I used to always joke. You know when ben and I would talk to the kids, sometimes it would be good cop, bad cop right, like I'm totally.

Ben: 16:47

You are totally bad cop I'm actually, I feel like I am. I am just crap when it comes to that. No, I can't help myself no, not at.

Lindsay: 16:54

Here's the thing, right, if I was going to be your good cop, you already are your own good cop. You already are your good angel. You're the one who probably gives yourself the excuses more often than not, and if I am not pulling you in the direction that you are looking to get to, then I'm failing as your coach, right? So I don't want to be in a place where I necessarily want to make you feel like shit and stomp you when you're feeling down. I obviously have empathized with you and I'm being a part of that, but I'm also going to call you out on your bullshit, and it always comes from a place of love and it always comes from a place of support.

Ben: 17:29

But I'm not taking your excuses anymore and I think you have to call yourself out to yourself as well. Totally A perfect example of that I started working with a new client three or four months ago and they turned around to me and said now this particular person is in recovery. They've been in recovery for 10 plus years, maybe closer to 15. And they said to me that I'm sneaky, right, I'm really sneaky Right, and I got a lot of practice at this, and although I'm in a really good place and I'm working the program, you gotta keep an eye on me. I'm really sneaky, yeah, and I'm telling you that up front. And I was like I appreciate that, because when you're working with us or when you're working on trying to improve your current situation, it's not about trying to improve the things that you're doing well already, right, it's about trying to improve the things that you're doing well already. It's about trying to improve the things that you're not doing well, cause if you, that's where the that's where the major gain is to be had.

Lindsay: 18:22

Absolutely.

Ben: 18:23

That's where the gains can really come from. Like I could get 1% out of something for you that you do relatively well or good right now, or I could get 20% out of you for something that you're not doing well. Yeah, one of those is going to lead to a bigger, bigger result.

Lindsay: 18:40

It's interesting. So I'm working with a, with a coach, and I have an accountability buddy and anybody who knows anything about accountability. Buddies are supposed to help you stay accountable and I am just like everybody else. I always say I can spin it any way I want, I can. Oh, I am, I can talk, I can say the things. I'm also very good learner. I'm a very good checklister, I'm you know they. Always they keep calling me the golden student because I'm always the one doing the thing.

Lindsay: 19:05

But when it comes to my accountability partner, I turned around to him and I said listen, this is who I am, I know this about myself and I give you full permission to call me out on my bullshit. Now, obviously, we're just getting to know each other and he might not feel as comfortable doing it, but I'm giving him full permission and I think that's really important. When you start working with a coach or in my case, this is an accountability partner where Ben and I are here. We're here to help you, support you, push you, challenge you. We're not here to make it like just easy peasy.

Ben: 19:36

So the message is the joke might be funny the first time. It's going to get a handful of laughs the second time.

Lindsay: 19:45

And the third time. Nobody's going to laugh.

Ben: 19:47

So, when you think about that in terms of complaining or making excuses, right, you've got to break the pattern. You've got to break the pattern and it doesn't have to be perfect, it can just be those small steps, but honestly, don't lean on your excuses, because that's what's got you to where you are, and if you want to get somewhere else, then you've got to break that pattern, and I think that is really the message.

Lindsay: 20:08

The takeaway, the thing, and I mean, if you go back to that quote which again that story, it's really great, is it? We're not saying that you can complain a little bit, right? Remember the first time the joke was hilarious. But it means that you can't stay there and keep complaining and then wonder why nothing's changing.

Ben: 20:24

I say to my clients all the time bear in mind, most of the clients that we work with are in their late 30s, 40s, early 50s, right, I mean obviously we work outside of that. I would say majority, the majority and I always say to them when we get to our stage of life, right, we know who we are right, there's no, there's no surprises like we're not in the discovery phase of who we are.

Lindsay: 20:49

We're not 16 year olds trying to figure things out. We know who we are. We know what we're decent. We know our bullshit we're good at.

Ben: 20:56

We know ourselves. We know ourselves and one of the places where I see that the most is when we have goals and expectations. Right when we were 20 and we had these wild expectations of what we could do overnight, where we didn't really know ourselves, and it was just like this wild stab in the dark. We don't have a lot of track record of success or failure at that particular point. It was just like this wild stab in the dark. We don't have a lot of track record of success or failure at that particular point. It's just bold, like, bold, like a teenager, go for it.

Ben: 21:21

Brainlessly bold. You probably told yourself 10 times, 15 times, this time's different Right. And then you've gone out and set this expectation that deep down in your heart.

Lindsay: 21:34

This is the voice.

Ben: 21:36

It's like I heard this voice. I used you hear this voice, it's like that's a great plan, yeah, you're never gonna be executed. Good planning. And then I would say, but it'd be different this time, right, and say why would it be different? It's like because it just will and the just will doesn't work.

Ben: 21:51

So be careful of that voice. Listen to that voice, because when it comes to you making plans or setting goals or setting objectives, there's nothing wrong with being bold, but you really have to look at that and say the person I know, I am the version of myself that I know and I've lived with for the last 40 years 50 years 38 years. Whatever Are they going to be able?

Ben: 22:09

to deliver on this? Have they got a track record of delivering on this in the past, on this in the past? And if the answer is absolutely not, then you need to modify your aspirations, your goals and and really break them down back into surprise, surprise those small steps, yeah, and and just in case you're sitting here being like, oh my gosh, I, they scare me.

Lindsay: 22:28

I don't know if I want that, um, but I need something. I need a bit of a kick in the butt. Come january, I'm gonna I'm gonna be releasing a new program and it's gonna be amazing. But here's the thing one of the things I want you to remember we've talked about this before is it's not the information, right? I always say we, we give 90% of what we do away for free.

Ben: 22:48

I'm a millionaire marathon world champion, elite bodybuilder based on the knowledge the food maker yeah the no.

Lindsay: 22:55

It's not the information, it's not the knowledge, it's the doing, it's the action. So if you're like, god damn it, I know what they're saying is true and I just don't know if I can do it myself keep listening. For the next week or so we're going to be talking a lot more about this program. But if it's just that one thing that you need, and that action taker, that that outsource discipline, that little bit of kick in the ass that you think is going to help you get those stories out of your head, get those excuses, the complaining done, just keep on listening and it might be something that's perfect.

Ben: 23:25

I think the greatest. We'll wrap up here. I think it's a good place to wrap up, but one of the greatest marketing slogans of all time and I promise you, lindsay and I haven't spoken about this and I'm going to look at her and I'm not gonna say anything, I promise you, I'm not saying anything the best marketing slogan of all time is just do it, nikes, guys. I actually I've mouthed it to her. This is a perfect example of just has not been on the same page, but it is just do it, and and again it is.

Ben: 23:54

Though it is it's just like shut up and just do it I say that to myself all the time right. Stop thinking, just do it right, often on the way to the gym, right often.

Lindsay: 24:05

I mean, I'm not gonna lie. The other day I walked into the into our bedroom. Ben was sitting on on the bed and I like flopped down and I'm like, oh, I need to do my workout and I don't want you. And all I wanted him to say was it's okay, lindsay, it's late Sunday night, you don't have to do your workout. And you know what he said to me? He's like just do it, stop complaining. I was like no, so anyways, I had to do it.

Ben: 24:27

So basically, all I did was give her back what she usually gives me. But an interesting fact about that is, as you've probably heard, I do my workouts on a morning, whether at the run or the gym. Currently, I get them done. Lindsay is. Lindsay reminds me of myself about 10 years ago. Do you remember what I was like? I'm going to go for a run today.

Lindsay: 24:45

I'm going to go for a run. I'm going to do it, and every time it's 6.30 at night.

Ben: 24:48

I go for a run.

Lindsay: 24:49

She's doing the same right now, you are doing the same and every, every time.

Ben: 24:52

I tell you that you turn around and give me some weak-ass excuse.

Lindsay: 24:55

Yeah, I'm going to do it earlier this week, I'm going to do it earlier tomorrow. So anyways, just in case you ever thought that we were perfect, we are not no, no, the lint is perfect, Not even close. But just remember, if you give yourself permission. I would have given myself permission to not do it if Ben had agreed with me, but instead I got it done.

Ben: 25:19

So just it if Ben had agreed with me, but instead I got it done, so just own it. Just extreme complaining do it if it's in your control or not, right, just let the stuff go. That's not take control of the stuff that you can take control of and that will move you forward. I think that's the bottom line, right. Stop with the excuses, lindsay, I mean sorry everybody, guys, until next week.

Lindsay: 25:38

we appreciate you as always. Have yourself a fantastic week and we'll see you next week. Speak to you soon, bye.